Smokey Insanely Hot Hot Sauce

This is a very vague recipe, because I was pretty much just throwing things in the pot and tasting as I went.  Ultimately, depending on how thick and how hot you like it you should have about a quart to a quart and a half of something that ranges from "pretty damned hot" to "hell fire in a bowl".  The ingredient amounts are totally up to you, but I strongly recommend you don't leave out any of the types of chiles because each one brings a unique flavor to the party.  For the smoked serranos I make my own, but you could instead use more chipotles and up the ghost peppers for added kick.

1/4 C ground dried red serranos
1/4 C ground smoked and dried red serranos
1 large ancho, seeded and ground
1 large guajillo, seeded and ground
2 dried chipotles, ground
2-3 T ground chile de arbol
3-4 dried and ground ghost peppers (or to taste, these are brutal peppers)
1 red onion, finely chopped
3+4 cloves garlic, chopped and divided
6 cloves roasted garlic, chopped
White vinegar to taste
Salt and pepper to taste
A little oil to saute

Saute the onion and 3 cloves of garlic.  Add all of the chiles with enough water to barely cover (you may need to add more as the chiles hydrate and the water simmers off).  Simmer for several hours; you may want to do this with a window open as the results can get kind of burny.  Add the roasted garlic in the last 30 minutes of cooking.  Add in the remaining 4 cloves of garlic along with vinegar to taste, simmering briefly, then adjust seasoning as needed.  The result should be hot, salty, and tart from the vinegar, but the ancho and guajillo should add some sweet and fruity notes much like good BBQ sauce.

Tahini Sauce

A wonderful garlicky tangy accompaniment for many middle eastern dishes, especially falafel. Before the water is added this will be a very thick paste, but will thin out to a rich and creamy sauce.

2/3 C tahini
2/3 C freshly squeezed lemon juice
3 cloves of garlic, crushed
Cold water to thin out the sauce (about a 1/4 C)
Salt to taste

Blend together the first three ingredients, then pulse in the water until you reach a creamy consistency.  Add in salt to taste.

Roasted Garlic

One of the essential basic ingredients: roasted garlic.  Roasting takes away the harshness and provides a richness and depth of flavor.  Many recipes call for cooking it as whole bulbs with just the tops trimmed off, but I find it better to separate the cloves, remove the stem end, and peel them.  It makes it easier to use without having to squeeze it out of the peels; if you still want it crushed just use the side of a knife.

Garlic as needed, trimmed and peeled
Olive oil, ~2t per head of garlic

Preheat the oven to 400 F.  Place the garlic in a large enough piece of aluminum foil to completely wrap them up, coat them with olive oil and seal the package.  Place the foil package in a dish of some kind in case the oil leaks (I've used everything from pyrex to cup cake pans).  Bake for ~40 minutes, or until the garlic is soft and golden.

Thai Vinegar with Chiles

Simple pickled chiles in vinegar; it can be searingly hot when you first make it, but it will mellow out some with age.  It's the perfect side to Pad See-ew (I won't make Pad See-ew anymore if I don't have some of this in the fridge).  Don't try to substitute other vinegars for the while vinegar; it just wouldn't taste right.

2/3 C Thai chiles, finely chopped (this is VERY hot, you can use just a couple of peppers if you want)
1 1/3 C white vinegar
2 cloves garlic, minced
Salt or fish sauce to taste

Combine the ingredients in a jar and leave at room temperature for a day before moving to the fridge.  Keep in mind when you're adding the salt or fish sauce that you don't want the vinegar to be salty, you just don't want it to dilute out whatever you're adding it to.

Basic Rib Rub

This is my basic rub for pork when I'm making BBQ, and it's especially good on ribs - the recipe makes enough for a typical rack of baby back ribs.  You can easily change out ingredients or change amounts to get a different flavor, but this base is pretty well rounded; just make sure to put it on fairly heavily and at least half an hour before transferring the meat to the smoker so the rub has a chance to adhere.  I've also included a quadrupled recipe which makes enough for a serious smoking session.

1 T pepper
1.5 T garlic powder
1/2 T mustard powder
1 T onion powder
1/2 T cumin
1 T paprika
5-6 T brown sugar
1 T cayenne, or to taste (this makes it moderately spicy)
1.5 T salt

4x recipe (makes about a quart)
4 T pepper
6 T garlic powder
2 T mustard powder
4 T onion powder
2 T cumin
4 T paprika
20 T brown sugar
4 T cayenne, or to taste (this makes it moderately spicy)
6 T salt

Kumquat Syrup

A citrus syrup with notes of ginger and star anise, perfect to go with stuffed french toast (recipe to follow).

50 kumquats, thinly sliced (roughly two pints), I find it easiest to halve the kumquats lengthwise to remove the seeds, then thinly slice
4 C ginger ale
2 C water
1.5 C sugar
1-2 star anise

Combine the sugar, ginger ale, water, and star anise, and bring to a simmer to dissolve the sugar.  Add the kumquats, and simmer until it reaches the consistency of warm maple syrup, about 45 minutes.

Vietnamese Caramel Sauce

This is one of the more important base sauces for Vietnamese cooking, but making it ranked right up there with the apprehension of pulling a sheet pan completely full of 400 degree oil out of the oven.  I mean what kind of recipe calls for you to heat a cup of sugar with a 1/4 cup of water until it starts to smoke, then pour water on top of it?  If you get it right though, and manage to not start a fire or coat yourself in culinary napalm, you create a rich, slightly viscous caramel sauce with rich, earthy notes of coffee and a hint of charred bitter flavor.  You'll need a stainless steel pot, and I'd suggest stopping up some cold water in your sink.

Ingredients:
1 C sugar
1/4 C + 1/2 C water

Mix together the sugar and 1/4 C of water in the pot, and put over medium low.  Stir some until the sugar has dissolved, then leave it alone.  Cook it for a good long time ( ~20 minutes depending on heat) as the color goes from clear to pale golden to amber.  From this point watch it continuously, and when it starts to smoke slightly swirl it around in the pan.  Be careful! It's called culinary napalm for a reason!  Continue cooking and swirling until it turns the color of molasses.

Immediately remove it from the heat, plunge the bottom of the pot into the water in the sink, and pour the 1/2 C of water into the sugar.  It's going to be pretty spectacular, it's going to splatter, and you might get hit with some of that splatter.  Keep your face away, and when it dies down return the pot to the heat just long enough to ensure that all of the sugar melts in to the water.  The sauce will keep indefinitely without refrigeration.

Bacon Jam Two Ways

Massive amounts of bacon, onions, and garlic all cooked down with sugar and vinegar and pureed into a spread?  Yeah, it's crack in a jar.  I took the base recipe from here, but I've modified it some, then I went and made an Asian version that might even be better than the original.

Ingredients:

For either version you're going to need:
3 lbs of sliced bacon, in 1 inch by 1/4 inch strips
6 medium yellow onions, quartered and thinly sliced
10 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
1 1/2 C of strongly brewed black coffee
1 C brown sugar
1 t ground black pepper

Now if you want to make original bacon jam you'll also need:
1 C cider vinegar
1/2 C maple syrup

To make Asian bacon jam instead you'll need:
1 C chinkiang black vinegar (or sherry vinegar)
1/4 C molasses 
1/4 C Vietnamese caramel sauce (or another 1/4 C molasses; the caramel sauce is less sweet than the molasses, with a more pronounced depth and bitter/charred flavor)
6 T soy sauce
4 star anise
2 cinnamon sticks
1 t fennel seeds, ground
1 t Sichuan peppercorn, ground
5 black cardamoms
6 dried chiles
1/2 C water

Instructions:
Brown the bacon well over medium low, then remove the bacon to a plate with a paper towel, saving 3-4 T of the rendered fat in the pan (pour the rest off and refrigerate for some other use).  Add the onion and garlic and increase the heat to medium; saute until the onions are translucent and cooked through.

Add the rest of the ingredients except for the reserved bacon, and bring to a boil for a few minutes.  Add the bacon back in, and cook over a low simmer, uncovered, until the onions start to break up, adding a little water as necessary.

If making the Asian version, remove the cinnamon sticks, star anise, chiles, and cardamoms.  Using an immersion blender, blender, or food processor, puree the mixture in to a smooth paste.

Spread it on toast with some eggs, spread it on crackers, slather it on a sandwich (especially a banh mi for the Asian version), or just hide in a corner with your shame and eat it with a spoon.

Vegan Mayonnaise

No, I haven't radically altered my dietary preferences, I still love roast beast, but I got to thinking that by playing around with lecithin I could pull the eggs out of mayonnaise.  That not only makes it vegan, but keeps it from going bad, unlike most homemade mayonnaise; this stuff should keep indefinitely in the fridge, and it may not need refrigeration since none of the ingredients has to be refrigerated (that's an experiment in progress...).  At the least you won't have to worry about keeping it on ice for a picnic.

4 T vinegar (some of this may be replaced with water if you don't like it as tangy)
1 T dijon mustard
1 t liquid lecithin
1 C oil
salt to taste

Mix together the vinegar, mustard, and lecithin in a food processor (or in a bowl with a whisk, but you're gonna get a workout if you got the whisk method), then slowly drizzle in the oil while the food processor runs (or while you whisk until you think your arm is going to fall off).

Note: I don't call out what type of vinegar or oil to use, but this is just a place to get creative.  My first batch was 50/50 red wine vinegar and sherry vinegar, with 1/4 C of walnut oil and 3/4 C vegetable oil.  Play around with it, and you could also use citrus juice in place of vinegar; I may try blood orange and lemon juice mixed with avocado oil for my next effort.

Thai Peanut Sauce

Thai peanut sauce as you would eat with satay (recipe to come).

3/4 C coconut milk (this is actually one of the cases where I take a can of chaokoh and shake it to mix the cream and thinner water)
1 T nam prik pao
1 T red curry paste
1-2 T sugar (start with one, add more if needed)
1 T fish sauce
1 t white vinegar
3 T peanut butter
3 T peanuts, ground
Cayenne to taste


Heat the coconut milk with the curry paste and the nam prik pao until mixed and fragrant (the oil will also start to separate out).  Add the rest and mix.  At this point the sauce is likely to be too thick, so you'll want to thin it with some water, and adjust the seasoning as needed.  You want it rich, sweet, a little spicy, and a little tangy.

Mango Habanero Sauce

Sweet, spicy, fruity mango sauce.  Good on wings and you can probably come up with a few other things; I've used a similar sauce on salmon and it was quite good.  The base recipe called for mango nectar and added sugar, but the closest I could find around here was a mango drink with a fair amount of sugar, so adjust based on what you can find.  You might also want to play around with the acid level by adding white vinegar or subtracting hot sauce.

4 C mango nectar (a blue can in the Hispanic section of the grocery).
1/2 C hot sauce, I like Frank's Red Hot
1/3 C butter
3 habaneros, or to taste
salt to taste if necessary
1 t liquid lecithin

Mix the mango drink with the habaneros (finely minced), and simmer to reduce.  Add the hot sauce and simmer a little more, then add the butter and lecithin.  Check the taste, the consistency, etc.

Dandan Sauce

A variation on the sauce for dandan mian, which just takes a little tweaking to produce a rich, spicy, tahini and soy sauce.

1 t freshly roasted and ground Sichuan pepper
4 T chile oil (preferably homemade, with chile flakes for more heat)
scant 6 T tahini or Chinese sesame paste
4 T soy sauce + to taste
4 T dark soy sauce
salt to taste

4 T ya cai
6-10 dried chiles 
4 T vegetable oil

Mix everything except the ya cai, dried chiles, and vegetable oil together in a bowl and stir well.  In a sauce pan or wok heat the oil and the dried chiles over high heat until the chiles blacken and the oil is smoking; toss in the ya cai and stir for a few seconds before killing the heat and adding the mixed sauce ingredients.  You'll want to taste it, and it may need some more salt and either some soy or water to thin out the sauce a little.

Honey Chipotle Sauce

This is a really basic sauce, but has just the right blend of heat, sweetness, and acid.

1/2 C vegetable oil
11 oz can of chipotles
1/2 C cider vinegar
6-8 cloves garlic
salt to taste
3 t cumin
1/4 C honey

Toss it all in the food processor and blend until smooth.  Adjust the seasoning if necessary.

Blueberry Syrup

A simple blueberry sauce good on everything from pancakes to ice cream.

1 can blueberries in light syrup
1/4 C lemon juice
zest of 1 orange
1 T sugar
1 T cornstarch
pinch salt

Mix the ingredients thoroughly, then bring to a boil.  Taste and adjust if necessary.

Spicy Tuna Sauce

This is the sauce that you'd use for making a spicy tuna roll, or just perking up some sushi (which is why I'm giving it a Japanese tag, even though it's definitely an American creation), but honestly I've put it ham sandwiches for a little bit of an Asian twist.

1/3 C Mayonnaise
1 t chile oil
1 t sesame oil
chile garlic paste
sriracha

Mix all of the ingredients and give it a few minutes to blend.  The amounts of chile garlic paste and sriracha are to taste, but I aim for 2:1 chile garlic paste to sriracha.

Guacamole

This is a pretty variable recipe, so modify it to your personal taste.

2 ripe avocados
4-5 Jalapenos or serranos, minced or to taste
1/4 to 1/3 of a red onion or half a small sweet onion, minced
1/2 C of cilantro leaves minced, or to taste
salt to taste
2 cloves of garlic, minced (optional) *see note
lime juice to taste

Scoop out the avocado into a non-metallic bowl (metal can speed up the redox reaction that browns the avocado) and sprinkle with a couple of tablespoons of lime juice to prevent browning.  Add the rest of the ingredients and coarsely mash with either a fork or a potato masher.  Taste and adjust seasoning (you'll probably need more lime juice), then cover and allow to sit for at least 15 minutes before serving.  A layer of plastic wrap applied directly to the surface will help prevent browning of any leftovers.

*Note: Raw garlic can be fairly assertive; so I often will use a Mexican technique of cooking the garlic cloves, unpeeled, in a cast iron skillet over medium heat, turning occasionally, until the skin browns in spots on all sides.  After that you peel it and mince as usual.

Crema

A milder Mexican form of sour cream.

1 C heavy cream
a splash of butter milk

Combine the two ingredients and allow to sit somewhere warm for 12-24 hours until thickened and slightly sour, then refrigerate to further set.

Sinus-Searing Mustard

If you're like me and you're tired of store bought mustard that has no heat and next to no flavor, this is one you should make, especially because it takes almost no work.  I took the basic recipe from here, but he doesn't give specifics, and I wouldn't suggest using wine in place of the initial water (it's slightly acidic, which would keep it from developing as much heat).

Ingredients:
6 T black mustard seeds, crushed or ground depending on the texture you want
1/2 C mustard powder (I use Colman's)
1/2 C ice water
3 T white wine vinegar
2 t salt

Combine the mustard powder, the mustard seeds, and the salt.  Add the ice water, mix thoroughly, and allow to sit for 12 minutes.  The timing here is important; the water activates the chemicals that give the mustard it's heat, so longer times develop more, but those chemicals are volatile, so if you wait too long it starts to mellow out.  12 minutes seems to give the most heat, and at the end of this time you add the vinegar and mix to set the reactions.  Give it a day before using to blend flavors and lose the initial bitterness.  As far as storage, don't worry about refrigerating it, pretty much nothing will grow in it.

Japanese Ginger Dressing

1/2 cup minced onion
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup + 1/2 T rice vinegar
2 T water
3 T minced fresh ginger
2 T minced celery
1 1/2 T ketchup
4 t soy sauce
2 t sugar
2 t lemon juice
1/2 t minced garlic
1/2 t salt
1/4 t fresh ground black pepper

Processor together; the onion flavor will be strong on the first day, but will mellow if left overnight in the fridge. Don't be afraid to adjust flavors if you like more or less vinegar, ginger, etc. in your dressing.

Cranberry Jam

I had some cranberries that I didn't use for Thanksgiving and ended up throwing in the freezer. I later turned them in to cranberry jam, which is quite good on toasted muffins with cream cheese. I'm guessing it's also going to go quite well on baked brie.

12 oz fresh or frozen cranberries
1 short cup sugar
1 C water
juice and zest of one orange
pinch salt

Bring to a boil, then simmer for 20 minutes. The jam will thicken as it cools. You may need to use a spoon to crush some of the cranberries.