Bacon Jam Two Ways

Massive amounts of bacon, onions, and garlic all cooked down with sugar and vinegar and pureed into a spread?  Yeah, it's crack in a jar.  I took the base recipe from here, but I've modified it some, then I went and made an Asian version that might even be better than the original.

Ingredients:

For either version you're going to need:
3 lbs of sliced bacon, in 1 inch by 1/4 inch strips
6 medium yellow onions, quartered and thinly sliced
10 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
1 1/2 C of strongly brewed black coffee
1 C brown sugar
1 t ground black pepper

Now if you want to make original bacon jam you'll also need:
1 C cider vinegar
1/2 C maple syrup

To make Asian bacon jam instead you'll need:
1 C chinkiang black vinegar (or sherry vinegar)
1/4 C molasses 
1/4 C Vietnamese caramel sauce (or another 1/4 C molasses; the caramel sauce is less sweet than the molasses, with a more pronounced depth and bitter/charred flavor)
6 T soy sauce
4 star anise
2 cinnamon sticks
1 t fennel seeds, ground
1 t Sichuan peppercorn, ground
5 black cardamoms
6 dried chiles
1/2 C water

Instructions:
Brown the bacon well over medium low, then remove the bacon to a plate with a paper towel, saving 3-4 T of the rendered fat in the pan (pour the rest off and refrigerate for some other use).  Add the onion and garlic and increase the heat to medium; saute until the onions are translucent and cooked through.

Add the rest of the ingredients except for the reserved bacon, and bring to a boil for a few minutes.  Add the bacon back in, and cook over a low simmer, uncovered, until the onions start to break up, adding a little water as necessary.

If making the Asian version, remove the cinnamon sticks, star anise, chiles, and cardamoms.  Using an immersion blender, blender, or food processor, puree the mixture in to a smooth paste.

Spread it on toast with some eggs, spread it on crackers, slather it on a sandwich (especially a banh mi for the Asian version), or just hide in a corner with your shame and eat it with a spoon.